


More Human Than You Thought

by Peropero



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Castiel has Family, Castiel used to be human, Some Angels have human souls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 04:59:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8388124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peropero/pseuds/Peropero
Summary: Bobby told no one that he used to have a son. A son that he lost before he lost his wife. And Chuck Shurley told no one that the child became an angel.Where the youngest angel garrison was branded out of human souls, and no one knew. Until Castiel did.





	

"Joshua, I was thinking back on the very first days today."

Chuck Shurley spoke out loud from a sudden impulse, letting ice cubes jingle together in the glass. He was in a reminiscing mood today, and he just wanted to talk. Joshua never questioned him. He just listened- he was a fantasitc listner- and there was a constant sense of calm and quiet acceptance that he loved about his son. So he was obviously his choice of an audience. He took another sip of alcohol and spoke again.

"You do remember, don't you? First I created the archangels out of the strongest stuff, and they helped me defeat my sister. But she... she had already wrecked immense destruction upon the universe. I proceeded to create the angels anyway, as I had planned to do so in the first place. I created Metatron, I created you, I created everyone. Then just the youngest garrison was left. I knew they were important, and I already loved them, but I lacked the materials. So you know what I did?"

Chuck chuckled. (Oh, that was a turn of phrase that he liked.) He refilled his glass with alcohol.

"I used human souls. They weren't even created by then. The first fish was crawling out of the sea at that time, and Lucifer... even Lucifer was alright. But I reached across time and hand-picked them. Pure, kind-hearted children, dead before they were seven years old. I brought them in from the future. Gave them a new name, suppressed their human memories, branded them into angels. Annael, Uriel, Balthazar, Samandriel... No one knew, of course. Not even my scribe, not even my archangels."

He pondered for a moment, staring up at the patterns scattered on the ceiling. He could still remember the gentle light and warmth of souls on his fingertips. He was filled with hope, believing that this would be a good choice. He gifted the children with wings. They opened their eyes, full of wonder and delight at the song of the angels. He smiled and told them they were his children. He gave them names.

 _'I like my name,'_ Annie, now Annael, declared, smiling. She looked up at him with twinkling eyes. _'Will we ever go back? Can I meet my parents again?'_

 _'I'm sorry, but you have to forget for the time being,'_ he replied in a kind voice.

 _'But I already miss them,'_ a young boy muttered from the corner, drooping his newly-acquired wings. He patted the boy's back.

_'You forgetting doesn't mean that you will never remember. Because everything finds a way in the end.'_

_'Really?'_

_'Yes. Now, close your eyes.'_

"They were special, of course. They were different. I think deep down, they themselves have known it all along. And there was one boy. Castor Singer. Son of Robert Singer, a man who would be a hunter. He drowned in a river when he was five. He was the nicest one. And I dubbed him Castiel."

* * *

"You know, I think we are a bit... different."

Castiel confessed to his closest friends, Balthazar and Uriel, twitching his wings. Uriel tilted his head, not understanding.

"Different, Castiel?"

"Yes. I mean, Zachariah said that we ask too much," Castiel said nervously. Balthazar snorted, crossing his 'arms'.

"Zachariah is a dick, Cassie."

"Balthazar, you shouldn't speak like that to your superiors

"Superiors my ass, we are supposed to be a _family_. Okay, anyway, I get it," Balthazar grumbled. He held up his hand and started counting. "We're a bit weird. I am disobedient and freaks the hell out of Zach. I have a tendancy to call shortened versions of their names, Castiel has a secret hobby of listening in on humans' poetry, out of all things, and Uriel, don't pretend that you aren't like us. You make the worst Enochian jokes. I mean, the goat's mouth stuff?"

"It was _funny."_

Uriel huffed. Balthazar chuckled. Castiel only smiled slightly, deep in his own thoughts. He pondered out loud.

"We are interested in humans that no one else is, Uriel. And... I feel as if something is missing."

"Don't speak like that," Uriel whispered, horrified. "We could _fall._ We should be careful."

"But-"

"Hey! Fledglings! Don't idle around, heaven is in dire need of more soldiers. Get back into the training room!"

Zachariah shouted from the other side, cutting their secret conversation short. They huddled back into the training room, their wings drooping low. Castiel couldn't stop thinking about this mystery.

 _One day he'll meet Father,_ he thought. He will be a good soldier, a good angel of the Lord, and one day, he will be able to meet Him. Then he will be able to ask.

* * *

 

"How many times have you torn into my head and washed it clean?"

"Frankly, too damn many. You're the famous spanner in the works. Honestly, I think you came off with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you're told. And you're going to forget again."

Naomi placed a finger on Castiel's head. And he forgot again. He became a good soldier, followed orders, did as he was told. Right up till he was told to lift the Righteous Man from hell.

* * *

He was losing his grace. Slowly but certainly, he was falling. He had known that it was going to happen and chosen this path anyway, so he wasn't too disheartened. He didn't tell the Winchesters. He could handle this on his own.

But there was one thing. One thing that kept bothering him.

With his grace draining out, some memories came back to him in snaps and flitting images. At first he had thought it was the vessel's memories, but it didn't take him a long time to realize that it wasn't. It was a childhood of a boy named Castor, not Jimmy Novak. The memories were fuzzy and clipped short, so he couldn't make out much, but they kept coming back more and more.

_"Castor, don't go too far. It's dangerous."_

_His father called from behind, and Castor giggled, letting cold water wash past his tiny toes. He loved watching the creek flow past. Nothing could go wrong if he wanted to see it a bit closer..._

_He slipped. Cold water engulfed him. He gasped in terror. His father hollered out in terror._

_"Castor!"_

"Castiel?"

Castiel blinked. Dean Winchester was grinning at him from the front seat. Raindrops rythmically drummed at the windows of the Impala.

"Wake up, dude. Had a nice nap?" he said.

"Angels don't nap."

He replied automatically, but a yawn escaped his mouth. Sam chuckled, glancing back at him.

"Yeah, right. Maybe you aren't an angel," he joked. Castiel tilted his head, deep in thought.

"Maybe you're right," he said. But he pushed those thoughts away. It was simply the Fall affecting him. He was an angel, has always been, long before the first humans even emerged. There was no room for an 'existential crisis' right now. He had to stop the Apocalypse with Dean and Sam. Hesitation and questions could always come later.

After he made up his mind, the memories stopped coming back to him. Until he died at the snap of Lucifer's fingers.

* * *

 

As his body shatters, he remembers everything.

Castor Singer. His mother's smile. His father's face. The face of Bobby Singer. Annael, Uriel, Balthazar, Samandriel, everyone he recognizes as his garrison standing around nervously as Father gifts them with a pair of beautiful wings each. Him being dubbed Castiel. Father strokes his head and tells him that he will remember someday, and until that day, He has big plans for him. Castiel talks with Balthazar and Uriel when they are yet in training. _Don’t you think we are a bit…… different from the other angels?_ He's curious, he wants to ask. But good angels don't ask. Naomi wipes him time and again. Uriel and Balthazar is often wiped, too. Annael disappears eventually.

They were all humans. He was a human. He was Castor. He was Bobby's son. And he didn't know. He remembers the cold water, remembers tiny toys, Bobby's garage, the warm milk and bedtime stories at night. A whirlwind of pain.

Then everything becomes dark, and he knows no more.

Time passes. He floats in a sea of memories. Castor and Castiel, angel and human, son of God and son of Bobby, soldier and friend. He wonders where he is, regrets not trying to remember harder. He cries. He misses his father. Both of them.

And a hand comes down and grips him tight, lifting him up. And he wakes up gasping on Earth. He had been resurrected.

He goes to the graveyard and finds Dean, beaten and bloodied. Sam isn't there. He had done it. He had really done it. Castiel doesn't speak much. He feels sick as he sees the corpse of his father. He resurrects Bobby, then runs away. He isn't ready to see him yet.

Instead of going back to Heaven or to his human family, he wanders Earth. He has a hard time. Meanwhile Sam comes back to life, regains his soul, thanks to Chuck (unbeknownst to Castiel's knowledge). Chuck knows that Castiel needs some time.

After 1,209,600 seconds of traveling, Castiel makes up his choice. He appears at Bobby's doorstep. He hesitates before knocking three times. Dean opens the door. He's angry at Castiel for taking off like that. Castiel listens and apologizes. He is embraced and utterly forgiven.

He also greets Sam, who appears at the doorstep with a taco in hand, in a warm voice. The brave human being that saved the world. He's gladder that Sam is alive than for his own resurrection. He thanks his Father inwardly. Another 340 seconds pass.

He knows he can't hold this off forever. So he asks.

"I need to speak to Bobby. Where is he?"

"Bobby?" Dean asks, surprised. Castiel nods. Dean says that he is in the garage, fixing the Impala for them.

"What's going on?" he asks. "You're acting a bit weird today, Cas. You don't seem like yourself."

"I'll explain everything later. I need to speak with him now."

Cas insists, and Sam takes him to the garage. Dean follows hesitantly. Bobby looks up in surprise as Cas appears in the doorway. Oil is smudged on his face. The face is more familiar now than it ever was, and Cas is rendered silent for a moment. He steps forward, his gaze lingering upon the man.

"Hey," Bobby says gruffly. Only then does he regain his voice. He clears his throat, averting his eyes.

"Bobby Singer."

"It's not like we met for the first time, idjit."

"Yes, that's right."

Bobby doesn't know how right he is. Cas licks his lips. His glance is fixed upon the ground.

"I needed to see you because... I remembered something when I died at the graveyard. I don't think you will believe me, or even understand me, but I needed to tell you. I don't know Lord's will anymore, but at least you have a right to know about this in my perspective. Forgive me for being so late."

"What?"

Bobby asks back, baffled. Cas clenchs and unclenchs his fist. He doesn't know how to break the news. He takes in a deep breath and lifts his eyes. His eyes search Bobby's face for a long time. He has aged, with wrinkles lacing his eyes and worry etched upon his chin. He has lost Castor and Castor's mother. And he had come only now. A pang of guilt assaults his heart. A part of him, a little child, just wants to rush forward and throw himself into his father's warm hug and _cry._

He speaks slowly, instead.

"I... I remember you calling my name. I remember dying in the water. Me and Annael and a few others, my garrison at Heaven, was created from human souls. God handpicked us and suppressed our memories to turn us into angels. But before I became an angel... I was a human child, and I remember now."

He takes in a deep breath.

"I'm Castor Singer, Bobby. And you were my father."

Stunned silence falls. Dean blinks, saying 'What?' in disbelief. Sam's eyes dart busily between Cas and Bobby. They didn't even know that Bobby used to have a son because he never told them. It must have hurt too much for Bobby to tell, if what Cas is telling is the truth.

Castiel is rooted to the ground, not budging an inch, just waiting for Bobby to speak. Bobby is lost for words. Castiel lets his shoulders slump. Looking down at the ground, he adds in a soft voice.

"You gave me a little toy boat, and I was excited. I'm sorry for not listening to you and going into the creek. You have blamed yourself, but it isn't your fault."

"Castor..."

Bobby breathes, his eyes glazing over with tears. He steps forward. Castiel tenses a little, looking up with desperate eyes. He instinctively thinks that he is going to be rejected; after all, it's a story that he himself can't fully comprehend, much less humans. Plus he is in Jimmy Novak's vessel- there's nothing that Bobby will recognize in him save his memories. And in a way it hurt.

But his worry came to nothing as Bobby drew him into a hug.

"Cassie," he said. "You idjit. _You damn idjit._ You know how much I missed you?"

"I'm sorry."

Castiel replies automatically, but he suddenly feels more like a scared little boy than several millenia-old angel, and tears start to prick his eyes. His breath shudders as he lifts up his hand and gingerly places them on Bobby's back. Bobby is crying into his shoulder now. He is clinging onto him as if he will disappear into thin air the moment he lets go.

"Don't be," he says. And at that very moment, Castiel sheds a tear and huffs out a strained laugh. He wants to cry and he wants to laugh like a kid, and this confuses the hell out of him. But this feels right- he feels as if he has finally, finally found his place. His family. With Bobby Singer, with Sam and Dean. So he sobs, his heart and grace swelling with happiness.

"I missed you," Castiel Castor Singer whispers.

-And somehow, he knows that everything was going to be alright.

 


End file.
